Anxiety can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to control your life. With the right tools, anxiety can be transformed from a constant fear response into a source of energy, awareness, and even confidence.
Understanding the Anxiety Equation
One of the most practical tools to understand anxiety is Dr. Christine Padesky’s equation:
Anxiety = Overestimation of Danger / Underestimation of Coping and Resources
When you perceive a situation as dangerous but doubt your ability to handle it, anxiety spikes. The good news? You can reduce anxiety by changing either side of the equation:
- Decrease your perceived threat
- OR increase your belief in your ability to cope
Step 1: Identify What You’re Really Afraid Of
Anxiety often doesn’t show up as words, but as sensations or mental images. Try asking yourself:
- What’s the worst I imagine happening?
- What do I see, hear, or feel when I imagine that?
- What does that image say about how I see myself or others?
Getting clear on what your fear looks or feels like helps you address it directly.
Step 2: Reduce Avoidance & Safety Behaviors
Avoidance keeps anxiety alive. Safety behaviors (like looking down in meetings or not answering questions) prevent your brain from learning that you can cope. The path to confidence includes small, repeated experiences of facing what you fear and learning you can handle it.
Start small. If public speaking terrifies you, begin by making eye contact or asking a simple question in a group. Build gradually.
Step 3: Build Coping Confidence (Assertive Self-Defense)
Instead of trying to convince yourself the world is safe, focus on building your belief that you can handle whatever happens. Dr. Padesky’s “assertive defense of the self” approach involves:
- Listing your biggest fears (criticism, rejection, judgment)
- Writing out assertive responses (balanced, kind, self-honoring)
- Practicing those responses through role-play or in your mind
Examples:
- “That was a mistake, but it doesn’t define who I am.”
- “Not everyone will like me, and that’s okay. I can handle it.”
Step 4: Strengthen Your Inner Resources
Dr. Rick Hanson suggests we can’t always control the external world, but we can build the internal strengths that help us meet challenges with courage. These include:
- Self-compassion
- Mindfulness and breath awareness
- Courage to try again after setbacks
- Resilience practices like journaling or positive memory recall
Ask yourself: What do I already have inside me that helps? What can I grow more of?
When Anxiety Serves a Deeper Function
Sometimes, anxiety sticks around because it protects something deeper. It might help you avoid failure, rejection, or taking a risk. Ask yourself:
- What does this fear do for me?
- What would I lose if I overcame it?
- Am I ready to let go of the protection anxiety provides?
These deeper questions often unlock powerful insights.
References:
- Padesky, C. A., & Mooney, K. A. (2012). Strengths-Based Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: A Four-Step Model to Build Resilience. Guilford Press.
- Hanson, R. (2009). Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love & Wisdom. New Harbinger Publications.
- Buczynski, R. (Producer). (2025). Expert Strategies for Working with Anxiety [Video series]. National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine.
Need Help Applying These Strategies? We can guide you through this process with compassion, clarity, and clinical expertise. Counseling can help you not only manage anxiety—but truly transform it.